"I've got a twitch in my eye. Its a problem I've had since I was young, every grade of school. It starts with my eye; my cheek will spasm in unison with the slight spastic shake of my head. Then my heart stops beating. My fingers start to go numb, my head feels heavy and full of aches. My knees no longer stay locked, and I sway back and forth. I can't control what I say, and I don't remember what I hear.
Let me sit down for a bit. I'll stare with my head tilted down towards the floor for a few days. Hesitantly, my heart will tremble, then throb languorously. Its wavering beats will slowly resume regular routine. Then I can stand up.
But believe you me, it drags on."
****
"The human mind is not capable of understanding the paradox of reality. Life is... complicated and simple. Huge yet minuscule. A blessing and a curse. Fast and slow.
And so it goes.
How do we survive? How do we understand? The answer to both: we don't. Inevitably, we die, and we die without the answers.I ask again: how do we survive?
By faith."
****
"What is love? Without it, everything is nothing. Justice. Birth. Friendship. Encouragement. Creation. Life. Nothing. Nothing is achievement without love. Nothing is survival without love. Nothing is hope without love. Rescucitation without love is death. Faith without love is a deeper death."
****
"The Shins did it, I swear! Listening to their music (which I haven't done intently since last summer) took me back to summertime in my mind (i mother earth's "summertime in the void" comes to mind, heh). I was working at the east van video store, as well as the lil coffee shop in south Burnaby. I was longing to break out of my well-shelled self. I remember bouncing in my steps on my way from one job to the other, filled with energy from the headphones grafted onto my ears, and the sun leaking through my skin. I remember striving for style, digging into the urban culture. Downtown was my grounds for seeing the life I dared to dream to inherit; that I pictured myself adapting, growing, learning, loving, living. My heart was still stitched from the Big One (which I wouldn't admit to). I looked for love casually, but was more interested in my own evolution first and foremost (besides, I didn't have the confidence to date). When things went well, I said "I did it!" When they went poorly I said "what have I gotten into?" I remember my goal was me. Becoming THAT guy. Doing THOSE things. I remember flailing and feeling no resistance. It was scary. I felt completely inconsequential. So I... but after all was said and done, I didn't feel any happier. Just entertained. Distracted. I found that out relatively quickly. Just as He planned. Summer is beautiful. Ironic that it wasn't until September that I understood why."
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